2 Samuel 9

2 Samuel 9

- v7 So David said to him (Mephibosheth), “Do not fear, for I will surely show you kindness for Jonathan your father’s sake, and will restore to you all the land of Saul your grandfather; and you shall eat bread at my table continually.”

- v8 Then he bowed himself, and said, “What is your servant, that you should look upon such a dead dog as I?”

- v9-10 And the king called to Ziba, Saul’s servant, and said to him, “I have given to your master’s son all that belonged to Saul and to all his house. You therefore, and your sons and your servants, shall work the land for him, and you shall bring in the harvest, that your master’s son may have food to eat. But Mephibosheth your master’s son shall eat bread at my table always.” Now Ziba had fifteen sons and twenty servants.

---------------------------------------------------
I believe David knew Mephibosheth had an self-esteem problem. But instead of counseling him about it in front of everyone at the king's court, he just ignored Mephibosheth's "dead dog" statement and spoke directly to Ziba.

Personally, I see a principle here - there is a right time to counsel people. Some people just won't get it at that point in time. Moreover, David would look quite stupid if he tried to counsel Mephi and failed. David just continued to show Mephi grace.

This relates to something about me and I think God is now releasing me to share this with all of you as well.

What happened to Mephi kinda applies to me at my work as well. My VP has been telling me that I'm doing a good job but I always felt I wasn't good enough, and that she was just encouraging me superficially. As time went by, I felt so inadequate that I started avoiding my VP because I felt I had not performed up to standard, and I know that she can sense it as well.

There was once I screwed up a presentation to her and the vendor VP, and got corrected by the vendor consultants in front of everyone.

She then came up to my desk, sat down, and said that she was very pleased with my presentation and satisfied with my work thus far. And I told her that I wasn't happy with my performance because I felt that I could have done better, and that I should have worked more on having the facts at my fingertips. Then she smiled and replied, "slowly la". Then she got up and walked off.

My confirmation is this week - the end of my probation. And my VP and boss have to write a recommendation report about my performance for the last 9 months at SIA. This is a confidential report that is not shown to anyone except my VP's bosses.

However, during our weekly project review meeting last week, she told my boss, "Show Raphael what we wrote for him for his recommendation report."

My boss was quite stunned and he said, "Are you sure?"

She said, "Yeah, show him." All this was said in front of my other colleagues.

Then my boss went out and printed a copy of my recommendation report. And all my colleagues gathered around me to read it.

"Wah, how come I never get to see mine leh?" one colleagued mused.

My boss said, "I also never got to see mine."

Then another colleague said, "Wah! You got to attend SO MANY courses ah?" (There is a list of courses I've attended at the back of the report)

And another colleague said, "I work for so many years and I didn't even get a mentor lor!" (All of us are assigned a person of senior rank to be our mentor who will take care of us in our 1 yr of service)

And when I read the 4-page report, I just felt so embarrassed. I felt I was nothing like what my VP and boss had written about me.

"Raphael has done well and met all his work objectives.... Raphael is hardworking... Raphael has good work ethics... Raphael is amiable and is able to relate well to colleagues and our vendor.... Raphael is.... Raphael has.... Raphael this... Raphael that... Raphael has shown potential for further career development. I highly recommend his confirmation at the end of his probation."

And to show that it was not just a report of superficial praise, there was a paragraph also about my weaknesses and how my bosses were going to send me for more training to address these areas over the next 2 years. (My bosses had already planned ahead for my training and welfare.)

My boss asked me what I felt about the report, and I just said, "Praise God."

I had nothing else to say. This is just pure grace, undeserving and unearned. I don't deserve anything at all.

I have always benchmarked myself against my other experienced colleagues who have been working for 10 years+ in the company. I never believed in the "excuse" that because you are "fresh and unexperienced", you are allowed to perform lesser than them.

And as I looked back, I believe a lot of my work dissatisfaction, agony and unhappiness stemmed from these high expectations that I've placed on myself.

Now, things at work is really quite easy for me. I've already gotten the hang of all the technical stuff and I've favour with everyone whom I need to work with. I'm also able to talk at a certain level with the vendors who used to despise me for my ignorance. Now, it's only a matter of getting the job done.

I used to tell God that it was unfair that someone who's good in the natural would not be able to experience as much of His grace as someone who isn't as good in the natural.

But I guess I've reached the end of myself yet again, the end of my excellence. And God has shown me that at the end of the day, no matter how good I am in the natural, I don't lose out, because His grace is even larger than that.